I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
