The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
