today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize