My first STD was from a foam party
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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