ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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