just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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