Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
