I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
