If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
