This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Found your dick twin last night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
