taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
