Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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