I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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