Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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