Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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