College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
