So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
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listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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