thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
