You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
