At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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