And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
