im having a threesome with these popsicles
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
