I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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