Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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