her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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