Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
