I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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