I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
