I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
