there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
