yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
