And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize