you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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