you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems