I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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