Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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