So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
