WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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