Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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