party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
