I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
