Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
