Just took my morning after pill in the library
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
