just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Randomize
