I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
