I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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