Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
