i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
