allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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