I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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