Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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