Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
