Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
