i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
