well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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