All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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