I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Enjoy the penises
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
