I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
