Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
