dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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