He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
