dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.