"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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