Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
