FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
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Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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