Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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