I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
