just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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