I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
