tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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