it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
