Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
